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World Wired Women (UK)

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General Safety Advice for Women

Online stalking and harassment is becoming more prevalent in the UK. Stalkers can be very dangerous and it is important to learn and understand the safety rules and to protect yourself from abuse, harassment and stalking.

Stalkers and harassers are often people who do not have the courage to do this real life, they gain their courage by the fact that they can use the anonymity of the web.

So how can women protect themselves online

The priority is to think safety - to use the Internet (especially the chat rooms, newsgroups, message boards etc. you will need a screen name). It is best NOT to use your main e-mail address name if you use these forums as your mail box will become full of spam in time. Try to chose a nickname that is genderless,. Log on as SexySal40, and you will soon wish you had not!

Most Internet Providers have a "profile" provision, somewhere for you to put information about yourself so other people with similar hobbies, interests etc. can find you. You must also remember that Cyberstalkers and "players" (more about them later) use these profiles to target their victims. By all means have a profile but keep it brief, never give your real name, address or phone number. You don't have to fill in all the headers so you leave your marital status, age etc. blank.

This is a nickname and profile which I have seen online "lonelyladyann with a profile saying Ann Vi…… (real surname), living in Cambridge, age 52, recently widowed and looking to meet new friends". So anyone could look her up in the phone book, or the electoral roll to get her full address.

Chat rooms and other forums (A "Players" Playground)

What is a Player ? - A person who, from day one, sets out to deliberately deceive someone.

There are different groups of women who can be very vulnerable to these Players (Wolves). Single mums, divorcees, retired ladies and widows. Of these groups probably the most vulnerable will be those women in the 50+ age group who are possible retired or widowed, mainly because their age group do not usually have the computer or Internet skills of younger women. Also they mainly grew up in an age where people were more trusting of each other.

Loneliness plays a huge part in getting hurt by a player online. The are so many places like ICQ, mIRC channels, AOL chat rooms, Yahoo! and MSN chat rooms, etc. where you can enjoy chatting to people from all over the world; great places to pass the time and meet and make new friends most of whom are all genuinely nice people. BUT you need to remember there are Players (wolves) out there too who prey on the lonely vulnerable women (sheep, as they call them). The wolves lurk in the chat rooms, listen to what you are saying, they check out your profile - and then they POUNCE.

They rely on the fact that YOU feel safe, sitting in your own home, chatting and making new friends totally oblivious to the lurking wolf. This poem, by an unknown author, is a good reminder of what can happen.

Cyber Man

He'll watch you in the chat rooms
To win you is his goal
He'll woo you and pursue you
He'll charm your very soul

So when you get an e-mail
And it seems to fill your needs
You go ahead and answer
Not thinking where it leads

He plays you songs of romance
That get your juices flowing
He's sweet and kind and lovable
And suddenly you're glowing

And when you're in his clutches
And he has you feeling willing
He'll break your heart and drop you
He knows he's made a killing

He'll change his name,
Start anew, and find another quarry
You'll be crying bitter tears
While he's not even sorry

He preys upon the lonely
He knows just how to please
He'll send you virtual flowers
And he'll bring you to your knees

So ladies while you're chatting
Use caution all you can
Have fun, but heed the dangers
And beware the Cyber Man!!

Oh how I wish I had read this poem - maybe I would have been aware of the "Cyber Man" and not been hurt as I was (you will find my story, in brief at the end of these safety pages).

If you do meet somebody online, in a chat room or elsewhere, and decide you would like to meet them for REAL, please follow this advice, it could save you from a lot of heartache.

Always ask a man for his full name
Always ask for an address
Always ask for a telephone number (a home number) rather than a mobile one.
Always check this information out, from the phone book, or electoral roll etc. One good Web site for checking out this information is www.192.com. You will have to register to use it but it gives about 20 free hits per month.
Always meet in a public place
Always make sure you tell somebody exactly where you are going.

Remember - if this man is genuine, and really wants to meet you what has he to hide? Resist all his attempts to make you feel guilty about asking for his details, if he is really sincere in his feelings toward you he will readily understand your need for safety and he will give you the information to put your mind at rest. If he refuses to give it to you END IT NOW. Married men in particular, will often give a false name, address or telephone number to ensure that the "wife" does not find out about his online flings.!! Another thing to remember is that "photograph" he sends you of himself may not be an up to date one, it could be years old, or may not even be of him at all!!

To Summarise

The Internet, apart from its obvious educational/reference value, can be great fun. Most people you will meet will be polite, friendly, considerate and genuine. If he sounds too good to be true - he probably is. If you feel something is wrong, you are probably right. Remember YOU are always in control of your online activities, you can hit the Ignore button, you can block someone's e-mails and instant messages, you don't have to talk to anyone you don't trust at the end of the day you can always SWITCH OFF the computer.

Always meet in a public place
Always tell somebody exactly where you are going to meet this person.
Always use a nickname that is genderless
And remember are in control of your computer, you can always switch off and get out into the real world

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World Wired Women (UK)

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General Safety Advice for Women

So how can women protect themselves online

Chat rooms and other forums (A "Players" Playground)

Cyber Man