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Vegetarian?

Vegetarian? It's a minefield out there. If one more person, who smugly tells me that I am a hypocrite because I wear leather boots, collars me, I'll pummel them with a carrot. And if I am told once more that my children will grow up to be stupid because they need meat & fish to make their brains grow...well, I just won't be held responsible for my actions.

I have been a vegetarian since I was old enough to control what I consumed. I am not a 'political/ethical' vegetarian. In other words, I don't eat meat or fish because I do not like the taste. Unless I become pregnant and then, for some reason I require things like spaghetti bolognese with chopped bananas or rare steak...I don't fight it (the cravings, not the becoming pregnant) I consider pregnancy cravings to be your body's way of telling you that there is a deficiency.

However, forcing a friend to stop at a Maccy D's and ordering a Big Mac, eating it in her car and then making her go back because I wanted another one was a little extreme.

My children are vegetarians, by default. Recently they have been expressing their views on the subject. My son has decided that his vegetarian stance is 'political/ethical'. He doesn't believe that animals should be raised for food, so, he doesn't eat meat.

My daughter, on the other hand, has decided that she will not be deprived of Billy's Face pressed ham roll and we have, therefore, reached an agreement.

She doesn't expect me to buy or handle meat so she is vegetarian at home but when she's out and about, if she's offered a meat sandwich, for example, she happily tucks in.

I was torn with this one. Double standards sprang to mind. What was I teaching my children? Then I realized that I have always, within reason [chocolate spread sandwiches in the bath is still a no-no], allowed the children to form their own opinions. I never pushed the vegetarian issue with either of them. I was a vegetarian so they ate vegetarian as a matter of course. The choice, ultimately, is down to them.

I have much the same views on religion/belief systems. I keep that subject on a broad spectrum and I know that when they are ready, they will follow the path of their choice. I recall a friend expressing her horror that my children were not christened. I was equally horrified that her beliefs dictated that my children would, and I quote:

"Burn forever in Hell."

Knowing my children, they'd probably enjoy it and any incarnation of evil encountering them would probably give up after 10 minutes and send them to the nearest heavenly crèche. I have no intention of dragging them kicking and screaming to the baptismal font just yet.

The children accept each other's (& my) views on vegetarianism, without question. We all look out for each other, my daughter will check packaging at the store to see if my son & I can have the product. My son has learned to politely but firmly refuse if he is offered meat, as opposed to just not eating & he will simply ask for something else, whilst explaining his situation.

I believe these to be important lessons in acceptance, tolerance and confidence for both children.

Which is just as well as one has to be most accepting when living under the same roof as me 'woman who cannot cook'. It was once joked that I am a vegetarian so that I can eat fresh fruit and vegetables without fear of injury by flame. I am a walking disaster area in the kitchen. Really, I could burn ice! As for confidence & tolerance, well you need plenty of both to tuck into one of my dinner offerings.

So this brings me to the next little glitch in my system. Meat-eating partners...

I recall a one-time date. We went out to an Indian restaurant for dinner. I confess to being absolutely mortified when "he" went ahead and ordered himself a fish byriani. Firstly because I was going to have to watch him eat it and secondly because all I could think about was how utterly ghastly the possibility of our first kiss was going to be.

I consoled myself by eating as much lime pickle as I could without being sick.

As luck would have it, we spent the whole meal talking, gazing at each other and eating nothing but a pile of poppadoms and the contents of the pickle tray. We had to ask for doggy bags for the uneaten dinner and when I got home, I deftly disposed of the offending fish dish, filing it expertly away under B for bin!

He's no longer on the scene but the meat versus vegetarian thing wasn't an issue. Had we have remained an item, I expect my daughter would have clung to him for solidarity and meat would have begun to infiltrate the refrigerator! I really don't mind, as long as I don't have to buy or handle it, I'd have been OK with that scenario.

By the way, in case you're wondering, the first kiss was just fine! After-dinner mints are a wonderful thing...

But right now, it's time for me to pull on my dead-cow footwear and hike my way down to the local meat store where they sell the best onion bahjis for miles!

(Cries of "Hypocrite!" ringing in her ears...)