A faster New World?

You may have heard mention that I recently took delivery of my brand new, super-fabulous PC. When I ordered it I was told it was "broadband ready" but on further investigation it would seem that "broadband ready" translates to "capable of supporting broadband". What was actually required of me (apparently) was that I would have to purchase a broadband modem kit separately, to adorn the dazzling package of electronics that was my new system.

I was not delighted about this, as you can imagine but, we have been waiting months for broadband here, taunted all the while by slick, carrot-dangling television advertisements which showed us all what we were missing. Broadband finally arrived in March 2003 so, in my desperation, I followed up on an online offer for broadband plus a free modem (graciously supplied by the good folks I bought my "broadband ready" PC from - hmmmm...perhaps that's what they meant?).

I read the details and understood that it might take up to 15 days for my modem & accessories to arrive and my broadband to be activated. 5 days later I received an e-mail telling me that my order was being processed. 15 days later I checked on my order status. The response to that query was that my order status was pending, that the line for my broadband connection would be activated soon and that I would receive my modem and installation kit shortly.

Oh was I excited! The children were thrilled about the prospect of such a fast connection. No more dial up, no more waiting 3 hours for something to download, no more yelling because someone wants to use the phone, no more having to hear members of my family say "At last, I got through, your phone is always busy ". The possibilities were endless, I dreamt of watching streaming video without the computer sounding like it was about to explode and the kids being able to play online games for a change so that I wouldn't spend half the day whistling the theme to Diddy Kong Racing and driving myself nuts in the process.

But it was not to be. I mean, why should I have thought that anything here would go smoothly? After waiting patiently for another few days, I contacted the ISP again and asked for an update. They responded, telling me that they were sorry for the delay but that the helpdesk couldn't assist me further and that I should telephone their Broadband Support Center. Have you ever tried telephoning an ISP's support center? They should consider making it an Olympic event. Four days later, still not having managed to get through on the 'phone, I received an e-mail telling me that they were experiencing a delay, were working to resolve any issues and would either have provisioned my account or updated me on the progress within the next 10 days. They also asked that if I had a query I shouldn't contact them direct but to use the form on the web site, Hello? I think it was me who was experiencing delays! I used the form on the web site to tell them this. They e-mailed me back to inform me that they couldn't answer my query via the web site and to contact them direct.

Sigh.

Back to the Olympic dialing then, and if anyone dares accuse me of being online when actually I am just trying to get a hold of someone from customer services at the broadband ISP then there will be trouble! I have switched from whistling the theme to Diddy Kong Racing to Dvorák's New World Symphony, as that is the broadband ISP's 'phone muzak and currently my "new world".

"La-dee-dah, la-dee-dah, lah-dee-dah-dee-deeee..."