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What is the likelihood of my child meeting an online predator offline? Should I be worried?

Everyone wants to know how many predators are online and how likely it is that their kids will be victimized. People who aren't online think that the problem is bigger than it really is, and many experienced Internet users usually think it is smaller than it really is. While we do have some statistics about actual investigations and arrests, they aren't an accurate measurement of the real problem. No matter how hard we try to quantify the problem, we fall short because so few of the incidents with cyberpredators are ever reported to law enforcement.

Based upon discussions with the cyberlaw enforcement agencies I work with, here's what we do know: In the first year since its launch in March 1998, the National Center for Missing & Exploited Children's CyberTipline took in more than 1,000 complaints involving online enticement of children by adults for offline sexual purposes. That number has grown fourfold. Based upon what we know and what we hear, this is happening worldwide, and in the U.S. last year there were approximately 4000 cases where law enforcement opened a case involving attempts to entice children into meeting sexual predators offline. o You will be happy to know that almost all arrests lead to people going to jail. The FBI and U.S. Customs prosecutions in the United States, and prosecutions in the U.K. and in Canada by the RCMP in this area have approximately a 99 percent success rate!

In the United States alone, there are approximately 29 million teens and children under the age of 18 online. Roughly half are 13 and over. For there to be approximately 4000 annual cases, out of a potential 14.5 million users means your children are pretty safe online.

But reported cases isn't the whole answer. We have learned, through surveys, that at least 12% of the teen girls polled admitted to meeting Internet strangers offline. Family PC Magazine, although no longer being published, surveyed teenagers and found in 2001 that 14% of the boys polled and 24%! Of the girls polled admitted to meeting Internet strangers offline. When we conduct informal polls at schools, we learn that the percentage of teens over 13 that admit to meeting Internet strangers offline is always at least 13%. What does this mean? It means that our teens are meeting strangers offline. What percentage are predators and what percentage are cute and wonderful teens (as hoped for when our teens meet them offline)? Who knows? The best answer is "too many."

However, no matter how we crunch the numbers, if something bad happens to your child, the statistics are meaningless. Even if it happens to only one child in the world, if it's your child, that's one child too many.

I use the Internet all the time and I never see any problems. I don't see how my child chatting with strangers online could create any serious threat. It's only talk, after all. Am I right?

Chatting with strangers, as long as your child doesn't share personal information with them, or try to meet them offline may be harmless. But let me show you how the problems arise.

Most kids know not to share personal information online, but certain kinds of information come out during the course of conversation- things that, on their own, don't pose many risks, but when put with other bits of information allow someone to find your child. These are facts that our kids wouldn't think twice about sharing.

The best example of this is contained in a story I found on the Web. I found it six years ago, at a site that had gotten it from another source. Apparently it's been circling the Internet for the last three or four years, being sent by e-mail from teen to teen and posted on many personal Web sites Since I couldn't figure out who owned it to get permission to republish it, I had to write my own interpretation. (If you own it or know who does, please contact me at parry@aftab.com.)

Here ya' go:

Tiffany Peterson grabbed her backpack from the bench, tossed her mitt into it, and turned and waved to her teammates. She rushed off, hoping to catch Timbo5 before he had to get offline for dinner. She turned the key in the lock and rushed through the door, and it slammed behind her. "Mom! I'm home!" she shouted as she took the stairs two at a time. She had only five minutes before she knew he had to get offline.

Just another minute as she signed on as "Shortstopteen"- there he was! Right where he always was-in their favorite teen chat room, Teen Sports.

Shortstopteen: Hi Timbo. Guess what? We won!

Timbo5: Hi Shortstop. What was the score?

Shortstopteen: 9 to 7! I caught the last ball! The tying runs were on base! It puts us into the play-offs.

Timbo5: kewl. Who do you play next week?

Shortstopteen: Randolph Township, the Tiggers. They were the state champs last year. It'll be a tough game.

Timbo5: Are you still playing second base?

Shortstopteen: Nope. I convinced the coach to let me play shortstop. ;-) [You'll understand this when you get to the "Netiquette" section.]

Timbo5: What happened to the last shortstop?

Shortstopteen: She moved to Texas. And the coach said that his best shortstops have all been blonde. So I got it! ;-)

Timbo5: Great! Congrats. Gotta go. Mom's calling me for dinner. See ya tomorrow.

Shortstopteen: k. CU L8R ["O.K.. . . . see you later," for you newbies out there.]

Tiffany chatted with a few other friends for a while and then logged off. Timbo5 was her favorite online friend. He was fourteen, just like Tiffany, and lived in Virginia. He played baseball, too. He played first base, though. He also wanted to play for the major leagues when he grew up. Tiffany hoped that by the time she grew up, women could play for the major leagues, too. Although she didn't even know his real name, and he didn't know hers, she knew lots about him. He was much more fun than most of the other kids in the chat room. He knew everything about baseball. She wished he lived closer to New Jersey, so they could go to Yankee games together.

And Timbo5 really cared about her, always warning her not to tell anyone her real name or address. It was nice that he cared, but Tiffany already knew not to share any personal information. Her parents and her teachers had all discussed this with her and the other kids. She was very careful never to give out anything that could help anyone find her in "rl" (real life, offline). Her mother called her, and she ran down the stairs to dinner to share the good news with her family about the playoffs and her lucky catch.

The following week, Tiffany had practice every day. Somehow things didn't feel right, though. It was as though someone was following her. She kept looking over her shoulder when she walked home, and it was starting to get dark earlier. She found herself picking up her pace, and was winded when she arrived home. She unlocked the door quickly and looked around. Although she didn't see anyone, she was very uncomfortable. She didn't even shout "Hello" to her Mom, and just ran up the stairs to her computer.

Shortstopteen: Hi Timbo . . .

Timbo5: Hi Shortstop, what's up?

Shortstopteen: I was nervous today. Must be the pre-playoff excitement. Thought someone was watching me on the way home.

Timbo5: Did you see anyone following you?

Shortstopteen: Nope. But it felt weird. Like I could feel someone watching me . . . but no one was there anytime I looked.

Timbo5: Are your parents home?

Shortstopteen: Yup. It's okay. Probably just pre-game jitters. ;-)

Timbo5: You haven't told anyone online where you live or your real name or anything, have you?

Shortstopteen: You know that I'm very careful. You lecture me all the time! You're starting to sound like my parents! ;->

Timbo5: oh!oh! Gotta stop that!

Shortstopteen: LOL [laughing out loud]

Timbo5: ROFLOL . . . [rolling on the floor laughing out loud]

Tiffany forgot her fear and chatted until dinner was ready. The next day was the big game. Tiffany played really well, hit the only home run, and the team won, advancing to the finals. When she got home that night, she logged on and told Timbo5 about her big win, and complained that they had practice the next day.

When Tiffany was warming up, tossing the baseball around on the field at the next day's practice, she looked up at the stands and saw a man sitting there looking right at her. She felt the same fear and discomfort she had when walking home a few nights before. She glanced up at him from time to time, but soon forgot him when practice got going. When practice was over, she remembered the man, but looked up to find him gone. She took a deep breath and started the long walk home.

This time, she was sure someone was following her. She kept looking around, and although she didn't see anyone, she was really scared. She took the long way home, because it was busier and better lit, but wished she were already safe and sound in her home. Once, when she looked in the storefront window, she saw a reflection of someone she thought might be the man in the stands, but when she turned around no one was there. But she was sure she had recognized him. At one point she even heard footsteps.

As she neared her block, she broke into a run. It sounded like the footsteps were speeding up, too, and she ran even faster. She unlocked the door and slammed it shut. Her mother, alarmed at the noise, walked into the living room from the kitchen. "Are you okay, Tiff?" she asked. "You look upset." Tiffany caught her breath, and said that she was just in a rush to get home.

When she took the stairs this time, she took them slowly, thinking while she climbed. She really had to talk to Timbo5. She was very scared. But when she logged on, Timbo5 wasn't in the chat room. She sent him an instant message, and saw that he wasn't even online. Just when she really needed him the most!

The doorbell rang. She heard her mother get it and heard a male voice. A few minutes later, her mother and father called her down. She was still trying to figure out how to tell her parents about her fear without alarming them. She was so afraid that they might take her computer away if they thought she might have given out personal-contact information online. When she climbed down the stairs, her thoughts were elsewhere.

Her parents were seated in the living room with a man-the one whom she had seen in the bleachers. She started to worry. "Tiffany, please sit down. This is Sergeant Thompson of the state police." Tiffany looked at her parents' worried faces.

"Hi, Shortstopteen," said the sergeant. Tiffany couldn't figure out how he knew her chat room name. "I'm Timbo5," he said. She couldn't believe her ears. Timbo5? This police officer? Timbo5 was only fourteen, and lived in Virginia.

"Let me explain," he said, and proceeded to tell her that he worked undercover in chat rooms trying to protect children from online predators. "But how did you find me?" Tiffany asked. "I never gave you my real name or any real information."

"Even though you never gave me your name, per se, you gave me lots of other information about you. You gave me the name of the team you were playing this week for the playoffs. It was simple enough for me to check and see which state had baseball champs from Randolph Township named the Tiggers. Then I called the Randolph Township school and found out which team they were playing this week in the play-offs. Then I checked the roster in the local paper and got your name as the team shortstop and confirmed that it was you by checking your name as the home run hitter at the final season game. I looked up all the Petersons online in the White Pages directory, and found your address and telephone number. I called your parents and told them what I had planned."

Tiffany was stunned. How could this forty-year-old man sitting in front of her be her friend Timbo5? Besides, the police officer said he was from New Jersey, too. How could that be when Timbo5 was from Virginia?

She knew who Timbo5 was because he told her things about himself. And she didn't take his word for it, she checked him out. He had an online profile she checked that said he loved baseball, was fourteen years old, and lived in Virginia. That was written proof!

But Tiffany started paying attention when Sergeant Thompson explained how he had written his profile just to help convince her of his false identity. He then explained that he had followed her home, after spotting her on the field, as the blonde shortstop.

"I did this to help you," he said. "A friend of mine had a fourteen year- old daughter who gave out too much information to a stranger who showed up at her house one day and killed her. Since then I've vowed to teach others how to make sure they don't give away information without realizing it."

Tiffany now realized that she had fallen into the same trap as Sergeant Thompson's friend's daughter. She thought about all the little details she had given away that allowed her to be found in real life. Sergeant Thompson looked at her. "Will you help me help other kids and teach them what you just learned?" Tiffany gave her word that she would. And she and her parents were overwhelmed with gratitude that Tiffany had avoided tragedy and learned this lesson the "easy" way.

O.K., I have put my computer in a central location and my children can only use it when I am home to supervise them. What happens when they go next door to their friend's house?

That's one reason I keep harping on teaching them how to make good choices and use the filter between their ears. You can't be everywhere always. But, you can do something more when it comes to their friends.

Reach out to their friends' parents and talk to them about your concerns. Make sure that you and the parents of your children's friends are in agreement about monitoring the children's activities online, and that you use similar tools to enforce your choices. If not, circumventing your parental controls is as simple as your children walking next door and computing at a friend's house. If you can't agree on a joint policy, make sure the other parents honor your wishes and keep your children off their computer while visiting. It's a matter of respecting your role as a parent. Make sure you do the same for them.

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